


she means everything to me

by astrodrag



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: F/F, Song fic, set to a Dodie song, some angst & fluff for 3 different ships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 09:15:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23848816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrodrag/pseuds/astrodrag
Summary: Brooke is hopelessly in love with Vanessa, Jan and Gigi struggle to make their relationship work, and Jackie finds love with Nicky in the most unlikely of times.
Relationships: Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo, Jan Sport/Gigi Goode, Nicky Doll/Jackie Cox
Comments: 14
Kudos: 26





	she means everything to me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheUnicornGirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheUnicornGirl/gifts).



> This was written for my lovely friend Pia as part of a gift exchange our gc did! A huge thank you to Meg for beta-ing!!

_ Am I allowed to look at her like that? / Could it be wrong / When she's just so nice to look at? _

It was the sound of her laughter that finally made Brooke realize. The sound rang out through the air like music to her ears, making Brooke’s heart race as she looked at her best friend with an amused smile. But as she looked at Vanessa, she could feel something inside her shift.

Her stomach knotted up, her lungs felt like they had forgotten how to function, and Brooke couldn’t stop staring. Vanessa wasn’t just her best friend. No, she was so much more - Brooke was in love with her.

The realization scared the shit out of her.

But as she laid beside Vanessa in the grass, Vanessa seemed completely oblivious. She continued to laugh and ramble about different obscure shapes she could see in the clouds above her. Vanessa’s eyes were glued to the sky above them, but Brooke couldn’t take her eyes off her best friend.

The way her hair fanned out on the ground around her head, her face lighting up with excitement each time she let out a squeal and pointed to a different cloud. Brown eyes bright and warm, so full of love that Brooke  _ desperately  _ wished she could be on the receiving end of that love one day.

She knew then that she was screwed, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Vanessa was  _ beautiful _ , and Brooke felt like she was only just noticing her beauty for the first time. She wanted to take it all in while she still had the chance, in case her love ended up ruining their friendship.

* * *

_ And she smells like lemongrass and sleep / She tastes like apple juice and peach / Oh, you would find her in a Polaroid picture _

Sitting up on the roof of her house with Gigi by her side was everything Jan wanted and more. Feeling the blonde’s hand in her own, their shoulders touching as they watched the sunset over the horizon - it was what heaven must have felt like, Jan decided. 

Or at least, it was as close to heaven as she would get. 

And maybe it was because they were both drunk and there was no one else around, but Jan could feel the energy crackling between them. Static electricity that seemed to build and build, waiting for the right brush of skin before shocking them both.

But the shock never seemed to come.

The energy between them just kept building as they sat there, chatting and drinking together. A head resting on a shoulder, an arm wrapping around a waist. They were both drawn in closer by the force of the electricity, until they couldn’t be any closer.

Gigi was straddling Jan’s lap, hand’s cupping either side of Jan’s face, and for a second Jan struggled to make her eyes focus on the blonde in front of her. Was this really happening? Her hands gripped the blonde’s hips, and then Gigi was moving in closer, closer,  _ closer - _

The moment their lips met, Jan could feel the shock finally strike. It ran down her spine, filling her entire body with light and warmth. It was every cliche romance novel she had ever read, every sappy story that talked about feeling a spark the moment you kissed someone. It was every love song and every rom-com rolled into one, except it was  _ real  _ and it was  _ Gigi _ , so somehow it was even more perfect than she had ever imagined. 

But it was over too soon, and Gigi was climbing back through her bedroom window while shouting something about grabbing her camera.

The second shock came once Gigi was back, pressing her lips against Jan’s cheek as she clicked the button on her Polaroid camera, having said something before about wanting to remember that night forever.

But Jan didn’t need a Polaroid to remember. Her mind would never forget the feeling of Gigi’s lips against her own, no matter if she got to kiss the blonde a thousand times more or never again. The feeling was permanently ingrained in her brain, the memory of it one she would always treasure. 

* * *

_ I'd never tell / No, I'd never say a word / And oh, it aches / But it feels oddly good to hurt  _

Jackie should’ve been more upset about her breakup than she was. Even though she was crying her eyes out in Nicky’s apartment, sitting on the floor with the blonde’s arms wrapped around her, she felt oddly at peace. Like this was where she was meant to be, instead of with her ex.

But instead of thinking about her ex, instead of thinking about her poor shattered heart, Jackie found herself feeling at peace with the world. Maybe it was because she had been crying for so long already, or maybe it was Nicky’s presence - no, it was  _ definitely  _ Nicky’s presence that was calming her down.

The blonde murmured soft phrases in French, whispered reassurances and promises of unconditional love that Jackie was almost certain Nicky didn’t expect her to understand, gradually managing to calm Jackie’s tears. She dried Jackie’s eyes and continued to hold her long after the tears had subsided, humming softly or occasionally singing songs under her breath.

In the few hours she spent crying to Nicky, Jackie felt more love from the blonde than she ever had from her ex. She couldn’t help but wonder if this was what heartbreak was meant to be like, or if she was finally experiencing what love was supposed to feel like.

Too scared to ruin the moment, Jackie stayed quiet, just letting Nicky hold her.

And maybe she spent the night at Nicky’s house, wrapped securely in the girl’s warm embrace. And maybe she felt her heart stitch itself back together that night, a new name taking up ownership of her heart.

* * *

_ And I'll be okay / Admiring from afar / 'Cause even when she's next to me / We could not be more far apart _

Even sitting next to Vanessa on the couch now felt...off.

The weight of Brooke’s confession hung heavy in the air, making Brooke feel like she was suffocating. Her heart was pounding inside her chest, but for the wrong reason. Her stomach sank, feeling almost like it was weighed down by rocks, and she wondered how the hell things had gone so wrong.

Brooke couldn’t make her mind stop reeling, mental images flying through her brain at what felt like a million miles an hour.

Vanessa kissing a redheaded woman on New Year’s.

Vanessa laughing and flirting with random women whenever they went out to bars together.

Vanessa breaking down crying in Brooke’s arms anytime she had gotten her heart broken.

Through it all, Brooke had stayed silent. She had been the supportive best friend, suppressing her own feelings for the sake of sparing Vanessa’s, but something inside her that night had snapped. She had decided she’d had enough of pushing aside her feelings.

And now, sitting in awkward silence, Brooke regretted ever feeling anything at all.

* * *

_ And she tastes like birthday cake and story time and fall / But to her / I taste of nothing at all _

Kissing Gigi had never gotten old to Jan, would never get old.

But apparently the feeling wasn’t mutual.

Even after time and space, going off to separate universities after high school, coming back to Gigi felt like coming home.

Until they kissed, and Jan could  _ feel  _ the regret on Gigi’s lips.

But she ignored it, too hopelessly in love to say anything to the blonde that would risk their relationship. She ignored it the entire summer, relishing in the kisses as much as she could while she still had the chance.

Eventually, Gigi had had enough, pushing Jan away one day while they were mid-kiss. Jan had to watch Gigi break down in front of her, confessing to months of cheating and following it with pleas for forgiveness and promises of remorse that Jan knew were hollow at best.

It was then that she was grateful she didn’t have a Polaroid from that night they first kissed, wanting nothing more than to erase the memory from her brain forever.

* * *

_ And she… / Means everything to me  _

Looking back, Jackie felt her heart swell with pride at how far they had come.

Little did she know that night she spent crying on the floor of Nicky’s apartment after having her heart broken would lead to something so soft and sweet, so pure and gentle as the relationship she had built with Nicky. 

From nights spent watching old rom-coms together to their first couple awkward dinner dates, and now they were  _ living together.  _ And not just living together, they were also  _ engaged _ .

Jackie felt like the luckiest woman alive, getting to wake up every single day to Nicky by her side, getting to kiss Nicky good morning and move in sync throughout the kitchen as they made breakfast and coffee. They had fallen head-first into domesticity, and Jackie loved every second of it.

She loved the soft kisses goodbye as they parted ways to go to work in the mornings, and the welcome-home hugs as they returned back to the apartment for the night. She loved cuddling on the couch and curling up in bed with Nicky, loved day-drinking in the kitchen on weekends and watching the sunset from the balcony off their bedroom. 

Every day with Nicky by her side felt like paradise.

And had she never come to cry to Nicky, Jackie found it hard to believe she would ever have any of this, found it hard to believe she would ever gotten to be with the love of her life.

So maybe it was cheesy to say that everything happened for a reason, but Jackie believed it. After all, that breakup brought her to Nicky, and she had never looked back since.


End file.
